From Charming to Rape-y in Ten Seconds
Fifth Ave Near Tower C, Oakland: College Guy and College Girl are walking, his arm around her. A Drunk Black Man walks up to them: Drunk Man: You better hold onto her. College Guy: I will. Drunk Man: I...
View ArticleMaybe she bought it at Burlington Coat Factory*
House Party Full of 25-30-Year-Olds, Shadyside. A blonde girl pulls her black winter coat with fake fur trim around the hood from the coat pile: Blonde Girl: [after considering her coat, turns to two...
View ArticleVery good, Miss Granger. 10 Points for Gryffindor!
Nature of Language (Linguistics 101) Class, Carnegie Mellon. The professor is attempting to show the difference between British English and American English, specifically that the British drop their Rs...
View ArticleUna Muchacha Borracha
Pitt Shuttle Stop, Top of Cardiac Hill, Oakland. Friday Night. A drunk girl descends from the shuttle: Drunk Girl: Um… yeah, hold on… my phone is in Spanish right now. — Overheard by MLo
View ArticleFrat boy scientists are working tirelessly to create an online version of...
Campus Shuttle, University of Pittsburgh. Friday night. The shuttle is full of loud, drunken college students: Frat Boy: FACEBOOK ‘ER ‘N SHIT! — Overheard by MLo
View ArticleDegrassi. It goes there.
Office, South Side: Mindless Receptionist: Then what happened? Soul-Sucking Intern: I woke up and there was something in my mouth. — Overheard by Sah Side Struggle
View ArticleWouldn’t You Like to Get Away?
The Holiday, Forbes Ave., Oakland: Bartender: Last call, motherfuckers! NOW DANCE! [Madonna's "Ray of Light" starts to play.] Chorus of Drunk LGBT People: FUCK YEAH! [Warbling sing-a-long ensues.]
View ArticleJust What Wendy Was Hoping to Hear
Brillobox, Bloomfield: Drunk Man: McKees Rocks… It’s economically depressed. Girl: Yeah, and emotionally depressed too. Drunk Man: [excitedly: Yeah! You know it! [less excitedly] You’re Jewish, aren’t...
View ArticleOr when he actually gets a job.
Bar, Hemingway’s, Oakland. College Guy: [between sips of beer, to College Girl] When I get really old, I know I’ll be wearing pants up to, like, my waist.
View Article“But if she doesn’t come back, it was never meant to be.”
16th Street, South Side. 1 a.m.: Drunk Guy: [to Drunk Friend] My motto is “If you can make her scream like every animal in the zoo, she’s yours.”
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